Part 2 - 4 steps to Avoid Communication Breakdown

How are you doing today with your Communication Strategy? What progress have you made with the two tips provided to support you in avoiding a communication breakdown?

Yesterday we covered some good points on things that get us into communication breakdown. We also addressed 2 of the 4 strategies to help in avoiding a breakdown all together. So today, not only will we finish the conversation around the 4 tips, we will dig deeper on ways that two-sided communication works best.

Much has been written about how people communicate. There are books, courses, online seminars and teleseminars on the subject for personal and business communication. So, with all the information available to help us, why do so many people struggle and complain that communication is the #1 issue at work and home?

A bottom-line answer might be - People Don't Listen.

In our effort to be more clear, to have more engaging conversations, many people have stopped listening to each other. They are busy spewing words of discontent, frustration or blame all the time ignoring what the other person on the end is saying. Both people throw their hands up and walk away feeling broke, busted and disgusted with the encounter.

The next time, try engaging in a listening exercise. Start with saying 'Here is what I heard you say,' and wait to see if you are on point or missed the mark. Remove the emotion from the equation and just allow the words to tell the story. You will be surprised at what the words tell you.

Try applying these next 2 steps (3 and 4) in the communication process. They will not only help you in saying what you need, but support you in hearing what needs to be heard.

3) Ask for what you Want - We have all heard the expression Assume nothing, it only makes an A_ _ out of U and Me. Well, with communication that is typically spot on. When we make assumptions that the other person understands, knows what we need or gets what we are saying, 9 times out of 10 we get in trouble. That is because we are leaving a lot to chance or often filling in the blanks instead of stating what we want or need. In your next communication challenge, try stating clearly your intention, right upfront. Bottom-line your need and be open to listening to the other person. If you don't ask for what you want/need, no one else will either.

4) Be willing to say 'I am Sorry' - Perhaps the most powerful word in the dictionary (in my opinion) 'Sorry.' And perhaps the most misused word in the world, sorry. That powerful word can be used to build up and to tear down if not used carefully. It is amazing that so many people don't know how to use it or use it with care. It is not a word to hold us in a victim mode, nor is it to be used freely in every other sentence. It is a word that when reserved for those moments in time when we truly have missed the mark, erred in judgment or mistreated another person. It also has the power to heal and restore quicker than anything else. If only people really knew how to use it and use it well our teams, families and world would be a better place.

With communication it is quite simple, always remain open to the possibility that you may have made a mistake and be willing to say so. Then ask for what you want, use your I words that support your refined motive as you listen with a heart to know more.

And remember, communication is a two-way street. There is the sender and receiver and they have shared responsibility and access to the collective success.

Coaching Question: What one step will you begin to apply today to support your communication success tomorrow?

4 Steps to Avoid a Communication Breakdown-Part 1

We have all been there. In the middle of what we believe to be a good conversation, expressing our side, giving our input and right before our eyes something explodes. It leaves us wondering, 'how did this happen?'

The scenario is not uncommon. It happens in our relationships, it happens in our offices, with our friends and family. It happens on the phone, it happens at the grocery store and even driving our car. Whether we are communicating verbally or in writing, a communication breakdown can happen at any moment.

In a work setting, many people just think that by ignoring the breakdown, the problem will miraculously go away. Others feel hopeless that no matter what they try, nothing will work and they are left to feeling defeated with no control. Some may take on the challenge of addressing the breakdown upfront only to retreat to their corner when met with opposition.

In a family or personal relationship, often times our communication strategy is to simply get what we want with least impact as possible. But what happens overtime is that we stop talking all together because the path of least resistance only creates avoidant behaviors.

While communication is an art form in and of itself, it is not as difficult as some believe it to be. The key to good and clear communication is to always be willing to speak on the side of truth. Often times the age old adage that Less is More rings true with how we communicate. Our emotions can drive the tone and flavor of the simplest of messages leading to total upheaval in our work and family.

To assist you in developing a new strategy that supports good communication, we have outlined 4 easy to implement steps that you can start using today. Today we will detail the first two of the steps to support you in transforming the way you communicate.

1) Identify your Motive - Just as you do when you get in your car to drive, you have a motive and a plan of where you are going, and how you want to get there. The motive is key to the success of your trip, it impacts the choices you make and the outcome of the effort. Communicating is no different. You have a motive, whether clearly identified or not, and you will have an outcome. The success of the trip is also impacted by the choices you make. Good and bad, right and wrong. The key is understanding your motive in such a way that the plan or course you choose toward your outcome is the most efficient and effective. While you can't always avoid the speed bumps or pot holes, you can make course corrections and adjust your speed to ensure a safe arrival.

2) Speak from a Place of I not U - With your motive clear, and your plan mapped out, it is always best practice to speak from that place of I - not YOU. That means we choose our words, just as we do our course of action, carefully. We focus on explaining what 'I understand,' or 'I need,' or why 'I am confused.' The party on the other end of the communication will most always receive what you are saying more openly when you aren't pointing a finger at them. When we use words that focus on fault finding and blame, asserting that 'you did this' or 'you don't understand,' we put people on the defensive. Recovering from a defensive stand is one of the most difficult communication barriers to overcome. By keeping the focus on what you need, want, understand and desire - the you is on you, not them.

Tomorrow we will cover the final 2 of the 4 steps to avoiding communication breakdown. With these simple to implement steps in your toolkit for success, you will most assuredly see marked improvements in your relationships at work and home.

Coaching Q's: What is your communication strategy? On a scale of 1-10, how successful do you feel with your communication skills? What (if anything) do you want to change about that?

4 steps to Resolution - Part 2

Last time we left off on point two of this 2 part series and today we reveal the final two elements of taking positive action toward your resolution - even if you are a little fearful.

We now have identified the elephant in the room, named it and begun to build an action plan.

Today we pick up with step three, your communication strategy.

3) Build a communication strategy around the move. This stage of the action step is highly critical. We build a communication element into the resolution so that the leader can gain support or at least feel that they are not alone when making this action step. It is essential to giving the appearance of transparency that is so necessary in any leaders reign – when a leader appears transparent with their action items, even the tough ones, it builds and fosters trust at all levels. The way things are communicated is key to that. Now, we all know there are decisions that are made that cannot be communicated about up front, and I believe that you can still prepare people for those pending decisions in such a way that is supportive. The communication doesn’t start after the ball has dropped, it happens all along the way.


4) So the final step in supporting positive action in the midst of perceived fear is what others have also named. Face it. I would add, face it with integrity and zeal. Leaders become leaders because of the decisions they make. We can sit and choose to be a lame duck leader and I guarantee that action is not sustainable. Or we can be an action oriented, integrity agent. When a good leader works from that place of personal integrity and considers what is the action that is best for the whole body, they will find that zeal for taking action in spite of the perceived fears.


While leaders often feel they are in a box all alone when it comes to tough decisions, I have found that with the C-level clients that I work with as an executive coach, they are looking for a sounding board or neutral partner, they crave it. It is interesting because each of them have been so use to working alone, 'the buck stops here so I must not reach out.' and what they enjoy most about coaching is they have that partnership they have been desiring and not able to name. If I could give leaders one thing, it would be the benefit of knowing personally they are more powerful when they reach out vs. keeping everything close to the vest. That act of reaching out is what moves great leaders to their full potential as a human being.

I had a client who is president of a mid-sized company that has been hit with a crunch on revenue with the shift in the economy this year. The decision he didn’t want to have to make was the one he feared the most, layoffs. When (in the midst of breakdown) we identified the elephant, named it and built a strategy around handling it, while the meeting was tough to have with staff, he prepared them in advance for what was likely to come and ensure them that it would be fair and equitable for the ‘whole.’

After the fact, he found that the planning the meeting to tell everyone what was going on was much harder than the actual action step itself and…had he not had the meeting in advance (communication strategy) the affect on the entire workforce within his company would have been much worse. As would have the trust factor he held with his employees.

I recall him saying (breakthrough), “it was the worst meeting I have ever conduced in all my years here and our employees really stepped up and rallied around for the good of the company as a result. I was blown away. I realized they can handle more than I may have given them credit for, or protected them from.”

Here are some coaching questions for your consideration based on this article:

Coaching Exercises

1. How would you describe and evaluate your support structure for decision making?
   
   
2. What has your communication strategy been for communicating the hard stuff? What changes have you identified that you want to make for the future?
   
   
3. What value do you see that will be added by introducing a neutral partner to your inner circle? How might you use this strategy to strengthen your leadership?
   
   
4. When have you noticed yourself working in isolation vs. asking for support? How did that serve you?
   
   
5. How will you know if you are keeping it too close to the vest? What will you do different the next time?