#1 Tip with 7 Coaching Questions to Identifying the Root of Your Fear

Recently I have heard many conversations still happening around Fear and Business. As a business coach, I am continually faced with inquiring with clients around the root of their fear. While the word fear we all know is False Evidence Appearing Real, the feelings it causes are very real.

Fear in our day. Fear in our business. Fear in our family can be very scary. It can give a sensation that feels paralyzing to some and creates a sense of powerlessness for others.

So, what do we do about that? Well, it starts with understanding what the root cause for your fear truly is. Not what you think it is. Not using it to point fingers or blame someone else. Not what others have attached to you. Get to the root cause for you. That can be done in a number of ways, and not until we identify it, can we remove it.
Let's get started.

#1 Tip to identify the root of your fear using powerful coaching questions. Print these questions off and partner with a trusted colleague or friend, someone who challenges you to go bigger in life. This person is your mentor or even a champion for your success, the key is, they don't let you get away with stories. Sit with them and ask them to ask you this series of questions.
Q: What does the fear look like, right now - name it, detail it. (Ask What Else until you run out of things to say on this question.)
Q: How does it make you feel, in your head, heart, shoulders and even chest?
Q: What do you when the fear arises? (Ask What Else until you run out of things to say on this question.)
Q: Think of a time in the past, before this fear, how were you different? How was the situation different?
Q: What has changed? (Ask What Else until you run out of things to say on this question.)
Q: How would your life/business be different if this (fear) wasn't in your way?

At this juncture, journal and reflect on your answers. Notice what you have given sanction to in your life, thoughts, words and actions that may be limiting you and your ability to grow. Then have your partner ask this final question.

Q: What are you willing to do to begin to create/design/live the life and business that you want, without that fear? Pick one thing today and agree to check back in at a set time to celebrate the wins and set more intentions for change.

This process can take an hour or a day. It takes whatever time it needs to take. I invite you to try it out as you commit to uncovering what the root to the fear is and get it out!

4 Steps to Avoid a Communication Breakdown-Part 1

We have all been there. In the middle of what we believe to be a good conversation, expressing our side, giving our input and right before our eyes something explodes. It leaves us wondering, 'how did this happen?'

The scenario is not uncommon. It happens in our relationships, it happens in our offices, with our friends and family. It happens on the phone, it happens at the grocery store and even driving our car. Whether we are communicating verbally or in writing, a communication breakdown can happen at any moment.

In a work setting, many people just think that by ignoring the breakdown, the problem will miraculously go away. Others feel hopeless that no matter what they try, nothing will work and they are left to feeling defeated with no control. Some may take on the challenge of addressing the breakdown upfront only to retreat to their corner when met with opposition.

In a family or personal relationship, often times our communication strategy is to simply get what we want with least impact as possible. But what happens overtime is that we stop talking all together because the path of least resistance only creates avoidant behaviors.

While communication is an art form in and of itself, it is not as difficult as some believe it to be. The key to good and clear communication is to always be willing to speak on the side of truth. Often times the age old adage that Less is More rings true with how we communicate. Our emotions can drive the tone and flavor of the simplest of messages leading to total upheaval in our work and family.

To assist you in developing a new strategy that supports good communication, we have outlined 4 easy to implement steps that you can start using today. Today we will detail the first two of the steps to support you in transforming the way you communicate.

1) Identify your Motive - Just as you do when you get in your car to drive, you have a motive and a plan of where you are going, and how you want to get there. The motive is key to the success of your trip, it impacts the choices you make and the outcome of the effort. Communicating is no different. You have a motive, whether clearly identified or not, and you will have an outcome. The success of the trip is also impacted by the choices you make. Good and bad, right and wrong. The key is understanding your motive in such a way that the plan or course you choose toward your outcome is the most efficient and effective. While you can't always avoid the speed bumps or pot holes, you can make course corrections and adjust your speed to ensure a safe arrival.

2) Speak from a Place of I not U - With your motive clear, and your plan mapped out, it is always best practice to speak from that place of I - not YOU. That means we choose our words, just as we do our course of action, carefully. We focus on explaining what 'I understand,' or 'I need,' or why 'I am confused.' The party on the other end of the communication will most always receive what you are saying more openly when you aren't pointing a finger at them. When we use words that focus on fault finding and blame, asserting that 'you did this' or 'you don't understand,' we put people on the defensive. Recovering from a defensive stand is one of the most difficult communication barriers to overcome. By keeping the focus on what you need, want, understand and desire - the you is on you, not them.

Tomorrow we will cover the final 2 of the 4 steps to avoiding communication breakdown. With these simple to implement steps in your toolkit for success, you will most assuredly see marked improvements in your relationships at work and home.

Coaching Q's: What is your communication strategy? On a scale of 1-10, how successful do you feel with your communication skills? What (if anything) do you want to change about that?

What action will give you the highest return?

The one question that all business solopreneurs want to ask themselves on a daily basis - (What action will give me the highest return?) is key to staying focused on results.

Too often I see clients get caught up in a tailspin trying to stay ahead of their schedule or to ensure that they are being productive, only to find they are missing things along the way. This is very prominent with executives and solopreneurs. Why? Because 1) they are trying to handle too much of the load to work effectively and 2) they are often working in isolation and that keeps them bound to what they say their schedule is, objective for the day is and bottom-line is. Instead they would likely benefit from drawing on the strengths of others and having a reality check frequently to ensure they are on the right track.

When working with my clients as an Executive Coach we complete 6 questions upfront to get them clear on the direction they are wanting to go, and the potential obstacles in their path. As we further co-create the plan of action they will take to achieving (x) then we begin to design language and behavior modifications that support their goal. During that process, I introduce the question on highest return, and every time I am intrigued by the pause or complacent stare that I get in return. (One of my clients has this clearing of the voice thing he does and even while coaching across the country on a phone line, I can pick up right away when he is unsure of something or stuck.) When those moments happen, it is an opportunity to dig deeper into that stopping point. More often than not the stop is around the notion that they have to pick one action. It doesn't matter that the one action is key to the rest of their day. It doesn't mean they only work one action a day. It doesn't mean they are over simplifying their day either. What it does mean is that we are staying focused together on our agreements made around goals and objectives, and for them it is often focused on the bottom-line.

What I enjoy about the coach/client relationship when it comes to this and so many more powerful questions, I get to witness the breakdown on the way to breakthrough that can be life (and business) altering. When busy, successful, stressed out, overworked, highly valued (or whatever hat they wear for the day) people come to coaching to forward their action in the world, they don't come because something is wrong, they show up because they acknowledge needing support to get to where they envision they are going. What keeps them on track when not working with their coach is in the question. When one has clarity around what they are wanting to produce and how they will have the most success getting there, the action will inevitably follow.

So, as you ponder what your schedule looks like today, as coach I encourage you to ask yourself...What action will give you the highest return? Start your day there and everything else will fall into place.

How do you show up?

Over the past week I have had several conversations around 'presence.' Whether it is executive presence, coaching presence, fear or bold presence, the question has been - is presence something that you show up with, can learn or have gifted to you? Well my experience tells me that, presence is something that we are all born with, life molds for us and choices further define.

I recently was invited to post my thought on executive presence to a blog on this very topic at New Paradigms LLC: Executive Presence- Fact or Fantasy?. I was honored by the request to share my insights that I have gained over the years working with executives and curious about the variety of answers. What I notice to be true about so many people, no matter their profession or title, presence is something that we show up with, it is something that while we may learn to enhance over time, we are born with a certain way of being. When we show up our presence impacts the field either positive or negative, neutral or assertive. It comes from within, it is not something that is staged.

Today while on a conference call with a group of fellow coaches, the topic of coach presence in a group or team environment came up as an opening inquiry. It was interesting to hear seasoned coaches discussing the idea of whether presence is be something that we just show up with as coach. The conversation went around how coach presence impacts the field within a group coaching session, it isn't forced, predetermine (the how part) we just naturally are it. With in that space there is possibility for us to have an impact, without working hard to do it. The same is true for you and me in any environment.

Think about this scenario, you show up in the grocery store line to pay for your dinner one night. You have two checkers to pick from, both lines are open. Checker #1 does not make eye contact, sends a short hello your way and gives off the impression that they would rather be anywhere else but with you at that moment. What is their presence? How is it impacting the field you are co-creating in line? How is it making you feel. Remember, they have only said hello. Checker #2 looks at you and also says Hello. They smile and display a quiet warmth about them, they acknowledge you with eye contact and invite you into their line inquiring how your day has gone. Now, did they show up in the field with a presence that had impact? Was it negative or positive? Would you rather go to checker #1 or #2? Each has a presence, each only started with hello.

The point that I am making, which you will also see when you check out that blog mentioned at New Paradigm, LLC., is that we do have a choice in how we use our presence - we will use it, there is no choice on that part. It is simply the question of, are we using it to leave the impression and affect the energy in the field in the way we want to or not? The choice my friend...is up to you.

So tell me, what do you think about personal presence? If the mirror were reflecting back at you, how do you see your self showing up?

Tammy Redmon
Executive Coach and Business Growth Strategist
Redmon & Associates - Empowering Today's Business Leaders